I already have enough mommy guilt. I don’t need more

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After watching 2 movie trailers, I am not able to keep a dry eye. Since I became a mother…I can’t. Keep.my.eyes.dry. Everything makes me instantly burst into tears that wouldn’t even move me. Maybe because our hearts actually know what love is.

I keep reading blogs and articles on font spend to much time away from this or don’t do that. What, don’t do something for yourself? Be a slave to everyone else’s beckoning needs?
If it weren’t for my phone, I wouldn’t be able to check work emails from home when I’m playing mommy, or get advice from other mommies (you bitches know who you are), or looking up information to make something from the 3 ingredients in my fridge. I already feel guilty going to work, going to get a massage for myself, I actually feel guilty when my girl cries because I won’t let her eat dirt! So should I put on a good face, stop texting, quit my job, and order in? No.

As soon as you become a mother your Guilt kicks in full force. You feel guilty about everything. Your not doing enough, not being the best, not sacrificing enough.

You know what. We need to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Thanks, but no thanks I don’t need the reminder. I already do it enough already.

So mommas out there, you are tired, wonderful and stop feeling guilty.

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Hangover? With a child? They don’t mesh

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You’re pretty sure you danced to ganam style, bad, suavamente, and a polka. The visions keep blurring in and out of the night. My mouth tastes like a cat pissed in my mouth. My face looks like Lindsay Lohan on a bad night.
I look at the clock and its 5:30am. Oh yeah, my child is awake and bouncing out of her crib.

Dude. She.doesnt.care. That I danced with 6 old women, a priest.10 older Italian men, and 3 kids. She just wants to give me kisses and play with the loudest toys on the planet. Why do all the toys go off at the same time?!? And why are they soooo loud?!?!?!!??!?!? My husband is laying on the floor in his suit pants and he looks like a leprechaun that got hit upside the head. She banged a few toys off his head. I finally brush my teeth to take the sweaters off.

We got home at midnight. We actually didnt drink that much. I haven’t been hungover since 2011…2 years…that’s what happens when you get pregnant and you have a child. You just quit getting hammered. Our tolerances have gone way, way down. My husband went on 3 day benders before I met him (Irish, I mean real Irish as in 3 day benders is normal Irish) I could polish off a 12 pack in college. I can’t even have more than 2 glasses of wine. My husband can’t have more than 5 beers.

So que 630am. My husband must have spun my daughter too much because he barfed in the bathroom. I farted and I swear I would have puked if the Toliet was available. I wanted McDonalds breakfast and a Gatorade and the couch and football. We got wheels on the bus, we got twinkle twinkle, we got a restaurant filled with greasy breakfast! My daughter eats as much as we do, and we go home for nap time. Everyone naps. Hard. Snoring. Loud. Drool. Even the baby takes a full 2 hour nap.
We all wake up and baby is sweet as ever. At 5pm I can’t wait until bedtime. I’m actually dreaming about sleeping.

Then comes bedtime. I can’t sleep because I’m profusely sweating. Oh man. Seriously. Can’t sleep? What is this day?! The longest day ever?!?!?

My husband and I have sworn off all alcohol until further notice… Never again…famous last words.
All you need is 1 time to realize that the train in your head is actually a train in the background.

The Sling Diaries- Wisdom

Goodnight Mush

This is my last Sling Diary entry and I’m so not ready for this to be over. I know what you’re thinking “oh like you’ll stop posting up #babywearing photos and talking about yourself any time soon Jill…pshht”. But it’s so much bigger than that. Over the course of this project, I’ve gotten to know the other writers as well as the readers.
The wisdom I gained as I look back on the past 6 months isn’t about self discovery. I’ve always been fairly introspective. Instead, I learned so much from reading about the real lives and thoughts of my fellow diarists.

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I often thought of other mothers as just statistics in some article shared on Facebook.  The 50% of moms who cosleep. Or the 3 out of 4 moms who start breastfeeding. At some point motherhood became a math and science to me where “this is the best…

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Emoticon and crazy moms

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Did this seriously just happen? Did i stupidly download emoticons on my phone? And actually change the keyboard?

I did. Does my mom think its the coolest thing ever. (She used to try to put hello kitty stickers on my stuff) *asian women have loved hello kitty longer than they would like to imagine. I mean my mom is in her late 50s I mean 20s…

Lets see if y’all can understand this. 👀🙏💣🚽💩
I mean….

My mom is screaming at my uncle about his 😺 and I keep looking to see if there is an emoticon to go along and guess what there is. 🎭

So if you are wondering why it’s taking me so long to respond its because my obsession with finding the right emoticon to go with it?!?❗❗❗❗

I’m pretty sure our kids generations are going to be full of 3d crazy emoticons that we aren’t going to even know what to do!!

Bzs first birthday

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Pinterest like crazy, pinning pinning pinning all these ideas for bz’s first birthday. I had this idea in my head of how it was going to be super sunny and the food delicious and it would be so easy. Rigggghhhhttttt. Que 2:00 pm and we still aren’t at the park.
B has never started a grill or BBQ or even lit charcoal in his life. Why did I make him in charge of this? My mom got crazy making pineapple and watermelon fruit baskets.
Oh did I mention the party started at 2:00 and I got there at 2:20 with bz in the stroller.
It was a typical San Francisco summer day, cold, foggy, and full of bums. A Chinese woman was taking bottles out of people’s hands to get the .05 crv.
I was wearing a grass skirt and lots of people in Hawaiian gear for our Hawaiian theme party. Que 330 the burgers or chicken satay is still not done.

Bz was chasing the dogs in the park and 13 kids ran around and for some reason was fascinated with the beer cans. Like actually threw temper tantrums when we took them away.

So I’ve survived my child’s first birthday and am expecting so many more. Hopefully I won’t be taking the beer away from the kids.

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Disclaimer . No child actually drank any beer the cans were closed

Traveling with a baby!!

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I’m feeling the need to write this blog because I want people to not make the mistakes that I did.  BZ was 11.5 months at the time of our long trip.

Also, screw the diaper bag, just get a good backpack.

Here is a list of things you will need to pack:

  1. 1. Snacks if your child is old enough. Food pouches are your best friend. Puffs, and finger foods are good also.
  2. A secure and comfortable baby carrier. A wrap, a ring sling, or my ergo. My ergo the reason we made our connecting flight in Heathrow. (seriously 45 mins from 1 terminal to the next? 2 trams, 1 bus, and 16 escalators) you will NEED a carrier
  3. Board books
  4. An ass load of Nappies (diapers) and travel size diaper cream.  Pack more diapers than you need.
  5. A baggie full of saline solution, Infant Tylenol, hand sanitizer, benadryl, and a nose frida.
  6. Plastic bags for dirty diapers. I used the arm and hammer deodorizing bags, but dog baggies work fine also.
  7. Some sort of teething toy of your choice that will fit in your bag
  8. 2 changes of clothes and 1 set of pjs
  9. Wipes are your friend. Repeat, wipes are your friend.
  10. Pacifier (if your child takes it) Bottles (if you need them) and a sippy cup (if your child uses it)
  11. A light blanket (I brought a muslin blanket) those planes get cold! No snake would ever live on a plane seriously.

I was still breastfeeding and this was a lifesaver! It felt like BZ nursed the entire 10 hour flight there and the 12 hour flight back!!! We were lucky enough to have a bassinet area on both planes but she would not sleep in either. She would only sleep in my arms.

Both times our flights were delayed at Heathrow and I was delirious with tiredness. BZ did really well but she was exhausted herself. A poor woman was traveling with a 5 year old and 6 month old sons! She brought a stroller and my husband and I tried to help her as much as possible.  She had too much stuff everywhere and needed assistance. 

On flights from SFO-MDW and shorter flights, i found that having those things were helpful also.  If you bring your stroller make sure it’s a travel system and you can bring your car seat.

We were lucky enough to have car seats at all locations for us to use from family.

GET AS MUCH REST THE NIGHT before. Don’t bring diapers buy them there.

Make friends with your neighbors. If your babys poor ears are hurting them, give the baby some tyelnol and try some saline drops. I myself use saline drops because of the dry air on the airplane!

Let your baby sleep as much as possible because the time change can be rough. Most of all enjoy!

The joy of having a 1 year old

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When I asked my parents as a child what was the happiest day of your life “the day you were born” was their answer. I uses to laugh it off. I truly know what they mean.
The joy in my heart is nothing that can be bottled up, measured, or even marketed to me. The connection I have with BZ is so profound that you have to believe in a higher power. It’s electric, it’s chi, it’s motherhood.

When she kisses me in the morning it makes the sun shine brighter and the day better.
When people tell you “wait until you have kids” you never fully understand until you have your own. Things make you cry that didn’t before.
Things that used to matter don’t. Your mom is so much more a superhero that you originally thought. Your dad is a real champ.
When I asked my dad between tears 365 days ago ” did you love me this much? As much as I am in love with Zell” his response was “so much more and I still do” ahhh here come the tears.

The sacrifices every parent makes for their children amazes me. The selfishness all goes away and the true love begins.

So when BZ asks me what was the happiest day of your life? My answer will be “every day I get to spend with you”

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Periods while breastfeeding blows

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Is this a sick joke? Periods while breastfeeding?

Lack of sleep? Cramps? Blinding searing migraine? I’m getting the flu. Nope I’m getting my period.

Wait. What cruel joke is this? Rocky balboa just punched my ovary.

Wait. I can’t wear a tampon? So it’s phone book maxi pad city?

I’m craving hamburgers and Swiss cheese. French fries and milkshakes.

The thought of putting on pants of the non sweat variety saddens me.

As my hormones wreak havoc on my body like a navy seals training I realize if I got into the ocean right now a shark would attack me and confuse me as an injured seal.

This is gotta get better right? The look on my daughters face makes it all worth it. She doesn’t care that my poor tiddies are sore. She needs nourishment and to eat. I don’t even feel the pain. She’s extra snugly and gives me kisses.

So even though I’m bleeding like a gladiator in Ancient Rome. I’m happier than anyone out there.

Time tunnel

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I just watched an old snippet that my dad posted. It’s more like a collage of home videos for 8 minutes. It explains my life it goes as follows:
My brother wants to be an army man, my mom is 34 and wants to be a sex maniac.
Timmy sees our polish deaf neighbors and their son and meets him outside. This brings back memories of when the poor dad used to lock himself out and the whole neighborhood could hear him trying to wake up his wife.
My dad takes us to his new office in “orland park” we are so excited and amazed at the location.
It’s a wonder that Thai and I are in insurance and Timmy is a marine.
I wonder if my mom is a sex maniac

Crabby Momma

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My brother at 17 years old went into the marine corps. He said he mentally and physically was exhausted but it was one of the most rewarding experiences of his life. Marines are one of the most revered branches of our military.

I myself at age 32 am mentally and physically exhausted. Being a working mom is one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I stand now in one of the most revered and elite ranks. Motherhood. I’ve embraced it wholeheartedly and haven’t looked back. The negative thoughts of failure and disappointment swirl in my head. I have always and as awkward as a spring lamb come through. I am not as graceful and beautiful like a ballerina. I’m more dirty and grungy like a pearl jam concert.

My relationships are sharper, my heart a lot softer, and my brain a lot mushier.

My daughter Zell is 10 months old and here begins my blog. Ladies and gentleman keep your legs and arms inside and buckle your seatbelt! It’s going to be a wild ride!!

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